Exam Stress

Its been a tiring week, so getting on the computer and dishing out a blog post is like a breath of fresh air for me. I have been seriously stressed out, studying everyday for at least 6 hours consecutively without breaks, studying till midnight and being unable to stop because of the frikking long syllabus that I havent been able to complete. The feeling of not being able to be on par with others haunts me, and the race to digest, memorise and understand all the different facts and concepts totally drains me. Many a time I have faltered and my thoughts strayed to the easier way out: giving up. It really seems like a very good deal, you stop and you stop, end of story. No more late nights, no more chasing after every concept to understand, no more self-inflicted pressure. No more stress.

Geography, Social Studies, E and A Math, Physics Chemistry Biology...the onslaught of subjects take their toll on my body after a week of restless nights and horrible dreams.

Thats why i decided not to study for my E Math paper 2 tomorrow, but simply relax and slow down to double over and catch my ragged breath. I seriously feared for my life (yes! really) when there was a day when my heart rate shot up and i had trembling fingers for hours. My heart pounded loudly, creating abnormally great vibrations that I could sense even without a palm. There was this pressing force on my chest, suffocating me. I couldn't breathe. It was an extremely frightening experience, and a first for me. I took my heart pressure with my dad's pressure monitor, and it was 137! A normal person would be 120 and below. I have never, in my whole life, felt as stressed as I do at this moment of time. It was like my mind is willing and pushing me as a whole, mentally and physicaly. But my body just couldnt keep up, getting left behind, dragged further and further away, wearing the rope thin till it eventually snaps. What if the rope snaps? What happens then? I know my rope almost did, until I slowed down and let my other half catch up.

So I shall not stress myself out anymore. To hell with the papers. If i flunk badly, its because of last minute work, which is not your true ability so why bother? What matters is to work hard for all papers and score well. I plan on doing that for all future papers. No last minute work anymore. Its just not worth it scaring yourself, getting drained of energy, working late into the night and waking up early in the morning, fearing for under-preparation, thinking of the possible doom you face when you walk into the exam hall.


Never will I be so foolish again.